I walked out of my building this afternoon cautiously, not
looking forward to the walk across campus to get to my car. Somehow, I was not
particularly smart this morning, and I didn’t wear my rainboots because “I
didn’t wear them yesterday when it rained all day, so why should I today? I
will be inside most of the time, anyway.” This was unintelligent because (a) I
love my rainboots and typically view rain as an excuse to incorporate them into
my outfit and (b) as soon as I got to campus today, it poured down rain, and I
had to park far from my building and then walk through the wind, getting soaked
from the knee down and disgruntled pretty much all over.
So when I ventured out in the afternoon to find that there
was a short respite from the rain, a thought popped unbidden into my head, “Aw,
you love me, God. Thank you!” At that point, my thought process was pretty much
as follows:
Why was my automatic response that God loved me because it wasn’t raining? The rain or lack of it didn’t have any bearing on whether God loves me. I am not a “Your Best Life Now!” believer who expects special blessing and continued prosperity because I am a follower of Christ. I’m more of a John 16:33, Luke 9:23 kind of girl (because, you know, Jesus actually said those things). God isn't some favor/karma genie who gives me green traffic lights when he is pleased with me or helps me pick the fastest checkout line at the grocery store when I pray with proper faith. I don't want to let my heart think God's love changes based on my daily circumstances, nor that I should expect life to be awesome simply because I am a beloved daughter of God.
 |
Another nice gift/way
to have toasty warm toes... |
But then I thought about the spirit of my (mental) exclamation. I was thankful because I felt like I had been given a gift. I had no reason to expect that I would get to stay dry as I hiked to my car, but I did. It made me happy, and I attributed this good gift to God. And good gifts make you feel loved! (I know, my logic is so advanced it's shocking) I felt loved this winter on nights when I went to bed and discovered that my wonderful housemate (aka mom) had turned on my electric heater so my bed was warm. I didn't think her love for me was at all related to whether my bed was toasty warm or freezing cold, I just felt loved to get an unexpected gift. And I didn't feel unloved when it rained on my way in to work that morning. Not unloved, just wet. So it's not that ups and downs affect how I view God's love... I am just starting to instinctively attribute good gifts I get to Him.
So apparently my thankfulness-focused Lenten devotional worked? But that's a tale for another time. Meanwhile, I was dry for a large part of the day... even though I forgot my rainboots. Thanks, God!
"Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations." -Psalm 100:4-5
