Adventure Is Out There

I love traveling. I love road trips. I love adventures. So going to Ireland was pretty much the best thing ever, a much needed break from the mundane and a chance to go explore the beautiful unknown.

In case you haven't already been subjected to regaled with tales from my Ireland trip, one of my good friends is completing a Master's degree at Queens University in Belfast this year. I have decided to implement the rule "When your friend is living abroad, you go and visit" in my life as much as is possible, so I went to Ireland this April while Bobby was on Easter Break. I flew in to Belfast, and we rented a car for a week so we could road-trip around the country, which was the best idea. Besides having a grand time driving on the left and not killing anyone, we saw so much of the country (mostly along the coast) and every bit was beautiful. After we made it back to Belfast, I got to hang out in the city for a few days, meet some of Bobby’s friends, and relax. Everything was wonderful, but I have way too many thoughts to tell you about everything, so here were 8 of my favorite things:

1)      Every single castle. We purposefully visited some, and happened across others on the way, (“We sees, we stops!”) but I loved every single one, from the ruins to the lavish restorations. I wanted to live in all of them, especially the ruins.

Dunluce Castle

(Seriously, I'm going to live in Dunluce)

Dunguaire Castle

Bunratty Castle

The top tower of Bunratty

Dún na Séad (Baltimore) Castle est. 1215

Blarney Castle

Kilkenny Castle

2)      The Cliffs of Moher. When people ask, I say this was my favorite place (although who could pick a favorite??). On the west coast, green rolling hills end in staggeringly high cliffs with crazy waves and fantastic views. The angle of the sun when we were there made it hard to get pictures that do it justice, but the walk along the edge of the cliffs was breathtaking (a small part of that might have been the fact that there was nothing between you and the edge… I joked that the fence-less path would never be allowed in the States and that I like Ireland better.)

Yes, those little things at the top of the leftmost cliff are people

Just winding along this little path here... don't worry, we clearly survived.

3)      The company. Surprise, neither of us wanted to kill the other person! Those who know the two of us also know that a week and a half of being together all the time could have resulted in amicicide ;) Instead, I had a fabulous visit with my friend, and it was delightful to sing duets from A Very Potter Musical in the car, take a ton of selfies that “weren’t pretty” (according to our mothers), make jokes about our personality quirks, and all those things you do with a friend you’ve known since you were 11.

4)      Newgrange. This place was so fascinating and mysterious. Built around 3,200 BC (before Stonehenge and the Pyramids at Giza) its purpose is not fully understood… is it a tomb? A temple? It’s also impossible to say for sure what the carvings on the huge stones ringing the mound mean. What can be said for certain is that on the winter solstice, the sun shines directly in the roof-box window built above the passage to the center of the mound so that sunlight streams into the center chamber. The space in the chamber felt sacred somehow, and it made me look forward to the day when we can ask God questions about the people who came before us and what they were thinking when they built Newgrange.

5)      Trad sessions in pubs. Have I mentioned that Bobby is even more into Celtic music than I am? As in, he is so obsessed with Celtic Woman that I can make fun of him despite being a fan myself. Also, he plays the bodhran (like, actually well), and the fiddle (who just decides to pick that up after college?) and several whistles (which he threatened to play while I was driving the car but ultimately didn’t because he was too busy screaming and trying to find something to hold onto). All that to say, we experienced a LOT of Celtic music while I was there, but my favorite was when I was ensconced in a corner of a pub with a strawberry-lime cider and my copy of A Game of Thrones while Bobby played in a trad (traditional music) session with a bunch of drunk friendly Irish musicians.

Alas, in this kind of light I got no
decent photos of music sessions anywhere we went

6)      Corcomroe Abbey. I confess, I do not get excited about visiting cathedrals (which we did several times thanks to my more enthusiastic traveling companion) but the ruins of Corcomroe Abbey were captivating. Surrounded by rolling hills with stone-walled sheep pastures, the ruins stood stretching up until they met the deep blue sky (the roofs were long gone, but the stone walls remain). A graveyard surrounds the abbey with graves from the 1700’s up until 2014, and even inside, the ground was covered with gravestones and memorial stones. I loved the phrasing on the very old stones, things like, “Lord have mercy on the soul of            who departed this mortal life on           .” There were no people anywhere, so it was just Bobby and I with the dead below us and the heavens above.  

This tombstone in the entranceway was for a Ryan
McCann who died in the 1800's.

"Pray for the soul of Martin Burke and Posterity. 1775"

7)      Carrick-A-Rede. Also known as the rope bridge that I made it across without losing my wallet (although it was a close call) and the island that I almost blew off (thanks for saving me, Bobby). Although not part of the original bridge, someone was considerate enough to add a second handrail so you could hold on to both sides, thus losing a bit of the charm but also saving tourists from being blown off by the wind. The beauty was totally worth the slight terror.

 

I'm not that bad at standing, it was just really windy. Here comes the storm!

8)      Late night chats with Bobby’s (quite smart) friends. Who turns down an opportunity to hang out with cool people and discuss politics, gene by environment interactions, social justice, education systems, body language, church culture, and college ministry? The correct answer is: not this girl. While on the subject of things we did in Belfast, I also LOVED the C.S. Lewis reading room in the University Library (I want one just like it in my house, which will hopefully also be a castle), and as always while abroad, I thoroughly enjoyed grocery shopping. Alas, I took no pictures during any of these adventures. 

It was a wonderful trip, and I feel so blessed to have been able to go. I think I could have stayed for another week (or month) and still not been ready to leave.

Dear Moms Of Kids With Special Needs

Since I am a single, twenty-something college grad with a job, it is possible at first glance for people at church to assume that my life is simple and neat (my life is not neat, but thanks to a decent understanding of fashion and social rules, I can fake it for you on a given Sunday). And because it might look like I come to church just to get lost in the beautiful worship sets, learn something from the intellectually stimulating message, and generally enjoy the aesthetics of a worship service, I feel the need to be especially clear...

Dear Moms of children with special needs;

I LOVE when your kids are in church.

Thank you so much for bringing your family to church. I know it can't be easy. Considering my Sunday morning routine (get myself up, get myself ready, go to church), it's hard for me to know the extent of the effort you go through before your family even makes it through the door. What I do know is that statistically, most parents with children who have special needs choose not to go to church (or go rarely), either from the stress of coordinating logistics, lack of services for their child, feelings of exclusion, or the stress of potential disruptions resulting from their kid's special needs.

Part of my heart cracks a little when I think of all the ways that I am not doing enough to make you feel like you are part of our community, help bear your family's burden, and get to know the treasures that are your kids. God is starting to move my heart in this direction because those are the things that are in his heart, and I am sorry that there are so many ways in which my hands don't yet reflect God's heart. (Isn't that our constant fight??)

But there is one area where I hope I can bring some comfort today: please don't worry about your child causing disruptions during church. Please don't worry that the people around you find your child distracting. Frankly, I love it when church is a little noisy. That's one of the things that I find particularly attractive about our church: the whole church body is there, and they are all participating! It doesn't bother me one bit if your child talks loudly when others are quiet, moves when others are still, or sometimes has difficulty controlling their emotions. Your child's participation in our worship service might be unique, but it is absolutely a benefit, not a detriment.

It's possible that, at some point, you have been discouraged by people who have intimated that your child is 'too old for that kind of behavior' or given you strange looks when you are out in public. I am so sorry if this has happened to you. Satan speaks lies, and he wants you to believe that you and your child are not welcome in church. The truth is that your child is INDISPENSABLE to the body of Christ.

"The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts, and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ... But in fact God has arranged the parts of the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be... On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor." (1 Corinth 12:12-23)

When your child is doing whatever it is that might embarrass you during the church service, I am most often thinking, "I'm so glad they are here. This is what it looks like to be the body of Christ." Although I don't contemplate the underlying logic in the moment, my reaction is largely for two reasons:

1)Your child belongs in our church-disruptions, challenges and all. Your child has intrinsic value because they have been created in the image and likeness of God (just like every other person in our church). Their adoption into the family of God rests on the righteousness of Christ and his work on the cross (just like every other person in our church). Christ was willing to go to great lengths to make your child a co-heir with himself, and since Christ has made your child part of the family, they belong. End of story.

2) Our church needs your child. God created your child uniquely, and the church would be incomplete without them. They are absolutely necessary. They are crucial. Being part of the body means that in addition to having intrinsic value, your child has a purpose as a part of our church. God is using your child to teach our church. God is using your child to encourage our church. God is using your child to display His glory to our church. They have things to contribute as a member of our church family, and we need them.

Your child's presence at church is no accident. It is also no small feat. Although I don't know if the blood, sweat, and tears required on your part are literal or figurative, I do know that when your child is at church, it is by your effort. I know that your family's presence at church is statistically rare, and eternally significant. Thank you for persevering in the face of difficulty, for coming to worship the Lord with us, and for letting your child be a part of our church. I am so glad they are here.

From my heart,

Christiana

P.S. Moms of little ones, I wanted to include you here, but I had too many things to say. Just know that I love it when you bring your children to church for both similar and different reasons, and I will have to express my gratitude some other time.

That Time When Graduation Was A Year Ago

Yesterday was graduation day for the class of 2014 at Gettysburg. Even before my newsfeed was awash with orange and blue and sentimental statuses, I was feeling nostalgic. Today marks exactly one year since I graduated, and it feels like it was only yesterday, just a world away. How could a year possibly have passed? How could it have not?

I confess that my overwhelming feeling upon realizing that it had been a year since graduation was a sense of disappointment. Shouldn't I have accomplished more a year out of college? I can't say "I just graduated in May" anymore, so shouldn't I have done more? Shouldn't I have made a bunch of friends with people where I live? Shouldn't I have completed things? Shouldn't I miss Gettysburg less? But here I am, living at home, mostly hanging out with my family when I'm not working. I don't have a high powered, exciting job where I am changing the world and/or making lots of money. I haven't fallen in love and I am not substantially closer to being a clinical psychologist or a mom.

And that thinking is so easy to fall into, because I have been trained so well. Make goals. Execute them. Do at least as well as your peers, preferably better. Do great work. I loved the Gettysburg atmosphere, and I thrived in that performance driven, high octane setting (if you consider the level of stress I could sustain for weeks at a time thriving). But the dark side of that is that I can instinctinvely think critically without acting compassionately. My mind twists the truth and throws in some half-truths and little lies until I look at the last year and feel like I have failed.

That is probably stupid and definitely inaccurate. My plan was to move home, find a research position to get the experience I need to get into grad school, and pay off student loans as quickly as possible. I did, in fact, find a research position that I can commute to from home... thanks, God! And its not high powered or a high salary, but someone is paying me to do research, which is exactly what I was looking for. I am paying off my student loans while admittedly mooching some groceries, wifi, and below market rent from my mother. But since I am rather fond of my mother, this is kind of a win-win situation. And why should I feel lame about having out with my family? I love them, and I won't always get to spend time with them like this. My baby cousins (read: every cousin who is younger than me, even if they are 6'2'') will grow up and move away one day. When I go to grad school, I will not be able to take my Mam-maw shopping on Sunday afternoons, and will she be around to take shopping when I am finished grad school? Speaking of school, if I were to hypothetically be either a clinical psychologist or a mom before I finished grad school, that would be absolutely terrifying (in the first scenario) or mildly terrifying and poor planning (in the second scenario). Seeing patients before getting the education/licensing to practice or having a baby while attaining said licensing are so not high on my list of things to do, and thus if I were substantially closer to these things one year out of college, it might actually not be a great sign.

Melissa and this kitten were both at
Focus this year... don't you wish you
were there, too? I know I do.

And yes, I do miss Gettysburg. I wish that I still had shenanigans every Wednesday at 10, that I still lived with 5 of my best friends, and that anytime I wanted to hang out with someone we could just get a meal together because we ate at all the same places. I wish that I had just gotten home from Focus, and that I was energized and sleep deprived and so excited about being on mission with the church. I wish the friends I have here (because I do have some, my heart just believes lies sometimes) knew me as deeply, encouraged and challenged me as frequently, and pointed me to Christ as well as my friends from Gettysburg. But this is what its like to have good friends. You miss them when you haven't seen them for a day, and you miss them when you haven't seen them for months and months. It takes a long time to build new friendships that are as strong.

I think it is okay to miss college, even though it makes me feel a bit like I am doing something wrong. I don't want college to be the best years of my life. But it would be okay if college accounted for some of the best years of my life. I think that is the tension I am feeling as I compare this first year out of college to the four years that came before. Its true that this past year was hard in different ways than before and that it was lacking some things that my heart tells me it wants again in future years. But it was another year of life, and I enjoy having those :) It was filled with blessings and things to be thankful for, and it was not a waste of time.

So here are a few highlights from my first year as a post-bacc:
-Seven of my friends got married, and every wedding was a delight. I loved each individual wedding ceremony, and getting to share in their joy, and also all those built-in reunions.
-For months I got as much sleep as my body actually needed (talk about seasons of life... this one is definitely fleeting). It was glorious. And now I might get up earlier every morning than I have in my life, but at least I don't do homework till at least midnight every night.
-I got a job offer totally out of the blue months after I had submitted an application and pursued other institutes and researchers with no success. Yep, it was totally not my fault that I got this job.

"I am not afraid.
I was born to do this."
-Jeanne d'Arc

-I found a church that I absolutely love. I get to live in a place with a bible-preaching church that loves to worship God with a gospel-centered community who want to grow and become more like Jesus? Is this real life?
-When my brain isn't consumed with exams, papers, and research reports, there is room for creativity to come out and play. I've been playing the piano again and making artwork and creating things. And none of them are masterpieces (although I am quite proud of the sweater and the quilt), but it feels good to create just because I can.
-God has used this time to soften my heart to the idea of adoption, to help me see the value of intervention at every stage for every person, and to understand how attachment (you know, that field of psychology I would be happy spending my whole life in) relates to God's character and redemptive plan. It was so good (and wise, probably) of him to do this when I am exactly where I am now. If He had done this later in life when I wasn't young, broke, and single, I probably would have freaked out about life and thought that He was telling me to do something I didn't want to do. Instead I see little hints of changing desires and and awareness of how much more growing I have to do. And how much more I need Jesus than I realized.
-I've been growing. Slowly. Sometimes it feels agonizingly slow, and I am not content with the pace. But the lessons I am being taught seem to take a lot of time. Perhaps it is the nature of these lessons, perhaps I'm a slow learner. But God is at work in my life, and I am grateful for it.

Random Rainy Day Thoughts

I walked out of my building this afternoon cautiously, not looking forward to the walk across campus to get to my car. Somehow, I was not particularly smart this morning, and I didn’t wear my rainboots because “I didn’t wear them yesterday when it rained all day, so why should I today? I will be inside most of the time, anyway.” This was unintelligent because (a) I love my rainboots and typically view rain as an excuse to incorporate them into my outfit and (b) as soon as I got to campus today, it poured down rain, and I had to park far from my building and then walk through the wind, getting soaked from the knee down and disgruntled pretty much all over.

So when I ventured out in the afternoon to find that there was a short respite from the rain, a thought popped unbidden into my head, “Aw, you love me, God. Thank you!” At that point, my thought process was pretty much as follows:

Why was my automatic response that God loved me because it wasn’t raining? The rain or lack of it didn’t have any bearing on whether God loves me. I am not a “Your Best Life Now!” believer who expects special blessing and continued prosperity because I am a follower of Christ. I’m more of a John 16:33, Luke 9:23 kind of girl (because, you know, Jesus actually said those things). God isn't some favor/karma genie who gives me green traffic lights when he is pleased with me or helps me pick the fastest checkout line at the grocery store when I pray with proper faith. I don't want to let my heart think God's love changes based on my daily circumstances, nor that I should expect life to be awesome simply because I am a beloved daughter of God.

Another nice gift/way
to have toasty warm toes...

But then I thought about the spirit of my (mental) exclamation. I was thankful because I felt like I had been given a gift. I had no reason to expect that I would get to stay dry as I hiked to my car, but I did. It made me happy, and I attributed this good gift to God. And good gifts make you feel loved! (I know, my logic is so advanced it's shocking) I felt loved this winter on nights when I went to bed and discovered that my wonderful housemate (aka mom) had turned on my electric heater so my bed was warm. I didn't think her love for me was at all related to whether my bed was toasty warm or freezing cold, I just felt loved to get an unexpected gift. And I didn't feel unloved when it rained on my way in to work that morning. Not unloved, just wet. So it's not that ups and downs affect how I view God's love... I am just starting to instinctively attribute good gifts I get to Him.

So apparently my thankfulness-focused Lenten devotional worked? But that's a tale for another time. Meanwhile, I was dry for a large part of the day... even though I forgot my rainboots. Thanks, God!

"Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations." -Psalm 100:4-5  

The View From Seven Months

I have been, admittedly, rather sparse with the life details. Part of that was that there was nothing exciting to tell. Part of that was that there was too much to tell. Although I am a sharer, I like to develop some trust before I spill my guts, and there is no way to do that with the entire interwebs. So rather than a blow-by-blow of life, which would be aptly titled “Four Weddings and A Funeral,” I will give you a current update:

What does seven months out of school look like?

1. It looks like paying student loans. Those pesky things come due six months out of school, and by the grace of God, I can pay mine. This is seriously worth being happy about, and I look forward to owing a little less money each month when I successfully make a payment.

2. It looks like working part time jobs to pay said loans. I am working at a wedding venue, which has prepared me fairly well for this recent wedding season (my friends are odd and mostly got married in the winter instead of the summer). I have been working at Bath & Body Works for the holidays, and something about good-smelling things being perfectly arranged in rows makes it a rather enjoyable place to work. I also have been working for a medical billing company dealing with insurance companies. This has been instructional, and also cemented the fact that I never want to work for an insurance company.

Earlier in life, I wanted to be a cat farmer
...but seriously.

3. It looks like endless (and perseverant! I am an optimist!) job searches. I have a few leads in this area that I am really hoping to hear back from in the next few weeks. Hopefully, someone in the near future will pay me to do science! I’m keeping the dream alive. When things are not going according to plan, it is a good opportunity to re-examine your calling and decide if you’re sure that’s where you are being called. If I didn’t feel led to pursue this whole PhD clinical psych thing, it would be stupid of me not to do something more reasonable. But, after some thought, I am still being called to unreasonableness :)

4. It looks like slow and sometimes faltering efforts to settle here and make friends. I have found it difficult to commit to—and succeed at—the effort of making post-grad friends, but I am not the only one. From friends with set timelines (“My grad program is half over and I’m only here for a year total”) to others who really want to make new friends but find the process slow compared to making friends in college, it seems to be a struggle shared by most of my friends who graduated with me or the year before. Its hard to get lunch with people when you both work different jobs, its hard to get together regularly when you live twenty minutes apart by car instead of three minutes on foot, and its hard to be new in town without an incoming class of people who are in the same boat.  But I did have coffee (figuratively speaking) with a girl this week, and it was delightful to have life chats. Yes, I had life chats this week with someone that I met since graduation. It was magical.

I’m not necessarily telling you to prepare for these things if you will be graduating in 2014, nor do I expect the graduated among you to have had the exact same experience as I am having (although if you are, you and I should definitely have life chats sometime). This is just where I am right now. Sometimes I am content, other times I am not. Sometimes I am happy, other times I am not. Sometimes I am busy, other times I wear my ugly sweater all day and no one is around to judge me. Sometimes I snuggle with cats, other times my cats refuse to snuggle. I am trying to “give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

(This was a snuggle time)

P.S. Also, after reading this blog written by a pretty wise man I know, I decided to read the bible as fast as I can starting January 1^st. I have never read straight through from Genesis to Revelation in order before,  so this should be an adventure. Thus, technically, seven months out of school also looks like Genesis… but hopefully Exodus soon. I’ll let you know.

P.P.S. For those of you who also feel like your attempts to accomplish something are like this little lizard hunter's, here are some cats who didn't make it through 2013 quite the way they planned... 

Guess What Today Is...

 Today is my Grandmother’s 72^nd birthday. In honor of that, I am going to share some things I am grateful for today that relate to my Mam-maw.

1.     Mam-maw is more pop-culture savvy than my beautiful mother. Thus, when I referenced the hump day camel to her, she laughed with me :)

2.     Both of my grandmothers had children ridiculously young (by today’s standards). Why am I grateful for this? Because I have had the blessing of knowing all of my grandparents and several of my great-grandparents. Mam-maw was a decade younger than my mother was when each had their first child, and as a result, Mam-maw was spry enough to play with me when I was growing up.

3.     Every time I think my Mam-maw is ready to depart from this life, she doesn’t. She has had medical issues since before I was born, and yet, here she is. When she lost her right leg to arterial disease the summer after my freshman year of college, I really thought she wasn’t going to live long. Two year later, she went on a trip to Israel and walked up mountains on her prosthetic leg because she had always wanted to visit the places where Jesus walked. Like a boss. 

4.     She and my Pap are farmers. Not only did I get to run around all over a farm when I was a kid, but do you have any idea how many cats they've had? Their excuse is that the cats keep down the rodents around the barn, but I know that deep down, they just like cats, too. And I have gotten to play with and name so so so many kittens. (Also, they consistently conspire with me to convince Mom to let me bring home kittens. I got two cats this way).

According to the caption under this picture I found, I named the white cat
Precisoca. But I didn't bring cats home until my debating skills became as creative
as my naming skills... Mam-maw and I just played with them at her house.

(gratuitous kitten shot)

5.     There are brave men and women who fight to protect us, and keep fighting when they come home. I am grateful for their sacrifice and courage. (How is this related? Shortly before losing her second leg, Mam-maw confided in me that they had shown her a Wounded Warrior video that showed how the double amputees put on their prostheses, and that she was pretty sure she couldn’t do it. Until she explained it to me, I didn’t realize how much harder it was to put on two prostheses instead of one, or just how much strength was required. Somehow knowing that makes me appreciate our service-men and -women even more.) 

(more gratuitous kitten shots)

6.     Mam-maw is generous, hardworking, and cares for others in her life sacrificially. I have learned from her example to value life, even if the life in question isn’t given much value in our society, like my mentally and physically handicapped aunt. My Mam-maw loves people in her life for who they are, not for what they can do, and I am exceedingly grateful for her example.