Ready to Mingle? NO.

There are, occasionally, times when I wish that I weren’t single. I am not going to enumerate all of those here, but one such time is during my weekly (or sometimes more frequent) efforts to settle in to my new church[i]. This is not because I feel uncomfortable as a single person at my new church, or that all of the young married couples make me wish for what I don’t have (although there are many cute young couples... some of them with even cuter babies). The main reason is actually that I wish I had a companion and a teammate in all of this 'being the new person' business.

In my mind (in some part that I apparently don’t pay much conscious attention to, since I only just noticed this recently), I feel like it would be easier to reach out and get to know people if I had a base to reach out from instead of feeling adrift in a sea of 300 people I don’t really know yet.  This is true from both (1) an emotional energy perspective as well as (2) a behavioral perspective.

(1) I don’t know about you, but I find it emotionally draining to socialize with a ton of people that I don’t know well. The reverse is true of my close friends; spending time with them is relaxing and rejuvenating. I also find that it’s less draining to socialize and meet new people when I am with someone I am already comfortable with. I suspect that this is partially due to acceptance/approval and having a base of support. When you are meeting people and making new friends, you want them to like you (that piece of genius comes to you thanks to an expensive college education. You're welcome). Thus, when you are around new people, you are monitoring acceptance/rejection cues with more sensitivity, and I believe it makes a difference emotionally to have someone with you who is a solid base of acceptance. It's comforting and refreshing to know there’s already someone in the room who definitely likes you :)

(2) When you are around your friends, you act like yourself. When you are making friends, you want to do this, because if they don’t like who you are when you're comfortable, the friendship isn’t going to go far. However, you don’t act like yourself completely when you first meet people, because you want to make a good impression and, lets face it, deep down you are a weird, quirky, socially awkward person and you don’t want to overwhelm people the first time they meet you ;) I think that having a good friend with you when meeting new people acts as a behavioral buffer... you end up acting more like yourself because you are more comfortable, and people get to know you more easily.

Basically, going in pairs to a place where you are the only new people probably makes life easier.

Need more reasons why two are better than one? Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. And my cats.

So am I here to whine about how I don’t have a partner?  Nope. Been there, done that. I realized this week that I had been subconsciously resentful at God for sending me to church on my own, and then I reasoned out why (see above). And after allowing me my five-minute pity party, God shifted my perspective:

I have loved you with an everlasting love… (Jeremiah 31:3)

…I will never leave you nor forsake you. (Joshua 1:5)

Accept one another then, just as Christ accepted you… (Romans 15:7)

How easily I forget that I already have a base of support.  

Then, God reminded me that he uses seasons of life for a reason, and I realized that it is probably really good for me to learn to be myself around people that don’t know me without the benefit (or perhaps in my case sometimes... crutch?) of having a friend around. That seems like a good skill to learn, even if I find the alternative to be more comfortable. And even in this desire, it's not as if God has never blessed me with companionship. I went to college with my best friend, for goodness' sake, and half of the reason I know why it’s easier being new with a friend is because I can analyze my freshman year and the way we got involved in things together. 

So yes, I am getting involved by myself this time. And I am going to trust God’s timing and that he knows what he is doing with this. I don’t feel particularly more keen to go mingle, but maybe when I do it anyway, I will be a bit more like myself and less like that nice, shy girl that recently started going to Sovereign Grace. 

---

[i] I found one, isn’t that great?!?! I am attending Sovereign Grace Church of Frederick, and I love the people, and the doctrine, and the worship style, and the preaching style, and the pastors, and the vision… basically, I am as happy as my friend Allison’s cat, Lilly, who got ALL the attention and cuddles she wanted when I visited last week.