Blog-iomics and Life Updates

Blogging is a tricky mix of "this is my diary" and "this is NOT my diary." Too many opinions with not enough real life gets preachy and boring. Ain't nobody got time for that. On the other hand, if write a stream of consciousness as it happens, you are going to (1) be overwhelmed and confused (that stuff is hard to follow) and (2) realize how screwed up I am.

It's not that I don't expect to confuse you occasionally... and if you are perceptive (or even can read) you should already know that I have issues. I would just prefer not to terrify you with too much of either one.

So I have drafts and drafts of things that I want to tell you. However, packaging these to neaten them up without making them into a lecture has bottle-necked things recently. And it's true, I have also been very low energy. Or you could just say I'm bad at blogging.

But I love reading blogs. And I was thinking about the blogs I love, realizing what a blessing my favorites are and how much these women and men sacrifice to write them... they all lead fascinating/inspiring/sacrificial/sometimes mundane/sometimes difficult lives, and they take the time to honestly write it down. How kind of them! I appreciate it so much!

My life is not so fascinating, inspiring, etc... it's often not even so difficult (although the mundane I can related to). I'm not like the people whose blogs I love the most, but I want to be more like them. So I'll just try to be honest (maybe even consistent?!?) and hopefully along the way you will see God at work. I'll tell you the things that God is stirring my heart over and maybe they will (or maybe they won't) move your heart. This seems like a terrifying risk to take but I know that rationally, it's not possible to be passionate about ALL the things all at once so it's okay if you don't care as much as I do. I'm just going to keep talking (or typing) as I stumble through life and hope that it's not a waste.

So with that resolve, here are some quick life updates and thoughts. Some of them have their own posts sitting as a messy draft that I may or may not stick cat pictures in and post at some point:

-My job is going well. That is to say, I am enjoying it today and if I don't enjoy it tomorrow, I will still be glad that I have it. The research itself waxes and wanes, so some days are more motivating than others. Also, my personality is definitely not suited to working alone with samples all day, but we probably knew that already. I have been getting some cool opportunities here, and I am starting my own project on PTSD in a military cohort soon, so that's exciting (and a bit concerning, because miRNA? that stuff is way more complicated than I was thinking...)

-I've been fatigued since October for no good reason, but it has definitely gotten better between Thanksgiving and Christmas. It's possible that I have had a holiday season reprieve and this fatigue will resume, but I am hoping what I'm feeling now is because I was sick and I'm fighting off all the bugs I was exposed to on Christmas. For the record, I don't recommend donating blood on a whim the day before Christmas Eve if your blood pressure and iron are lower than usual, and then skipping dinner afterwards and not drinking enough (in my defense, I would have eaten if I hadn't gotten stuck in traffic and needed to go straight from work to rehearsal). We can add this to the list of dumb things Christiana has done that you should not do. In retrospect, I think you should probably not give blood right before Christmas anyway because of aforementioned exposure to sick people that will likely be combined with lack of sleep on Christmas eve. Personally, I will probably just not give blood in the winter... but that's because I an unreasonable about the cold.

-Christmas was lovely. I've been sick more or less since the 23rd, but Christmas was still a lovely day. My Pap was way happier than I anticipated based on Thanksgiving, Mom and I didn't set our house on fire (the shed, unfortunately, didn't fare so well but technically Mom and I didn't set that on fire either), and I got to see most of my family (although some of my cousins I wish I had more time with). Since for a while I didn't really enjoy any holidays, it's nice that seeing family can be pleasant, and it was this year :)

-Church is decent. Actually, church is good, but I'm feeling like I'm in a dry season spiritually, so I'm not enjoying church like I usually do. Or reading my bible. Or praying. Or singing. Christmas was still good, because you don't have to feel totally awesome about a true thing for that thing to still be totally awesome. Basically, I'm holding onto intellectual faith, force-feeding myself the word (excellent advice from a wise friend), and trusting that the emotions will be rekindled in my heart. It's reminded me recently of how God's love radiates like light and heat... I want that warmth but I don't create it myself. It comes from Him, just like spiritual life and growth come from Him. More on that another time...

-The cats are happy. They very much enjoyed the wadded balls of wrapping paper on Christmas morning, and at least one of them stole bows off of packages before they were unwrapped. They love the Christmas tree, but they don't actually hurt it, they just sit under it contentedly and Lady M occasionally tries to eat a jingle bell (never successfully). This week I used a hammer to put together some furniture (my wonderful mother got me a book shelf! And after putting all of the stray books on it, there is still room for more books!) and it took over an hour of both cats rolling all over and snuggling with the hammer for me to realize that I keep it in the same drawer as the cat nip. An accidental Christmas present for the kitties.

Every bow is Lady Margaret's bow